learn to love yourself and give self care: SELF- COMPASSION RESOURCES

What does “self-care” look like?

A massage? A vacation? To feel relaxed? Have a break?

We often think of self-care as the physical things we do to help our body relax. Nothing wrong with that! It’s much needed and wonderful!

Is self-care the same as self-love?

What if I don’t have time for a break, or money for a spa treatment? Self-care also includes the way we relate to ourselves: how we talk to ourselves, how we interact with our own feelings and thoughts.

What do you say to yourself when you’re having a rough time? Some people can be harsh (You idiot! Pull yourself together!) or encouraging (It’s okay, tomorrow will be better) or try to gain a better perspective (In the grand scheme of things, I have a lot to be thankful for). I think in each case, we are trying to help ourselves.

If a friend is down and out, we might also use encouragement and perspective taking with them. But what would you say if a friend was telling themselves “I’m an idiot, I shouldn’t be so upset, I’m so stupid!” I imagine most of us would be compassionate and kind, “You’re not an idiot. It’s okay that you are upset. It makes sense.” It may come pretty easy to be kind with a friend who is criticizing themselves.

What would it be like to say that to yourself when you are feeling upset? Before you encourage or offer perspective, and especially if you are self criticizing? “Ah, of course you are upset today, it’s been a hard day, it makes sense that you feel that. I care about you.” What happens if you give yourself permission to feel your feelings and just love yourself through it?

If you want to practice self compassion, take a look here at Kristin Neff’s site self-compassion.org. In particular, try her guided meditations or journalling exercises to experience it. This is not about head knowledge and theory, you may already know “I should love myself.” This is about the practice of being kind and loving. Give it a try!