CHANGING OUR THOUGHTS CHANGE OUR EXPERIENCE. AND…

Have you heard of "emotional bypassing" or "spiritual bypassing?"

It's often used to describe skipping over emotions to be rational. Like a version of toxic positivity: “ignore the sad feelings, just think happy thoughts!”

People may avoid feeling because it is uncomfortable. Go straight to your head...and do your best to stay there.

It's understandable if you find your feelings hard to tolerate or it never ends well when you feel.

Some therapists view cognitive oriented therapies this way, as bypassing emotions. I can appreciate the risk it CAN be a form of bypassing.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is correct that our perceptions fuel our feelings. Changing our thoughts can change our experience, I completely agree.

And, in Emotionally Focused Therapy, there's so much more than that. Because the feelings that created the perception in that moment were also correct. And to ignore that would be unwise. The feelings, or maybe alarm bells, that rang still need to ring if we are in danger again.

It’s important to integrate the beauty of being rational with the powerful wisdom of the emotions in the body. It’s not a win-lose situation. When we treat ourselves as a duality, either rational or feeling, how does it impact us? I don’t think it helps.

We are whole. And when we feel splintered or broken, sometimes it helps to get support to feel your way back to wholeness. To integrate the incredible rationality of our human brains with the amazing capacity to feel.

If you aren’t sure how to do this or would like support, I encourage you to find an experiential therapist (e.g. Emotionally Focused Therapy) to help you.